Day 1: I meet the aliens and establish effective communication. I tell them to ignore all of the science mumbo and offer them the finest delicacies this planet has to offer. I begin with an impressive dry-aged cut of beef tenderloin, slowly prepared in a Traeger smoker to a level of medium rare, and then quickly pan-seared on cast iron to really lock those flavors in with that beautiful crust. Meanwhile, Gordon Ramsay should be done preparing the thick-cut applewood smoked bacon by now...perfect. To be safe, I have a team of the most elite vegans on standby to provide whatever they collectively believe to be delicious. I would not want to insult our guests with limited options, after all we have work to do.
Day 2: If the aliens have conveyed thanks and approval of their meal, we're in the clear; work can begin. Forget physics and science and all of that, if the food is good-the aliens will have placed intrinsic value on the Earth; It will now be a place worth investing in. After some delicious and greasy pizza (credit to the curator), work begins. I start off by asking the aliens to employ a device that disables and renders useless all nuclear weapons. This device continues working in perpetuity. Next, I remind the aliens of that sweet sweet cut of meat yesterday and get them to protect earth from comets, asteroids, and meteors. They may snicker because I have no idea what the difference between those things are, but this only serves to develop trust and comradery. That's enough for today, let's eat.
Day 3: The big one. The only day that matters. Earth is safe, we have regular alien visitors just tearing it up at restaurants, the economy is booming...one thing left. On behalf of Earth, I enlist the help of our intergalactic friends to once and for all...find Bigfoot. Yes, Sasquatch the legend, skunk-ape the elusive, yeti the resilient, yowie the terrible. I firmly believe that, with the help of our new friends, the descendants of gigantopithicus can be found in a single day. That's what this is all about, what it has always been about..
Day 4: People are happy, aliens are enjoying answering questions about Egypt over candlelit dinners, and I step down; my work being done.
Vote for me and let us proceed together toward this fantastic and tranquil end.